What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
