the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
