His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
