Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
