Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
