Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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