in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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