You're my little dorito
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
