Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
