just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
