Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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