I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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