Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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