The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
