the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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