Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
