you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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