"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize