Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
