you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
