What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
