I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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