I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize