What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
