I'm so fucking centered right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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