I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need a beard to bite.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
