Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
