Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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