i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
