i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
