So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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