I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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