the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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