"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
