the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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