everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your cock deserves a montage
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
