Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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