Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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