plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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