What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
