He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
