You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
