You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
