my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
