We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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