My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
