I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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