remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize