worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
