If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
