So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
