Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
