I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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