at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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