if you like me you must not know who I am
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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