so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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