my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize