I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I believe in your delicious
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
