I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
