maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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