Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
