yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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