i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
