Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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