apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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