I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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