Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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