I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
